Ugly Behavior & How to Stop It

Treat People with Kindness






“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1



Have you ever found yourself in a storm of ugly behavior? Resist the urge to allow

the bad behavior of another to spin you out of good character this beautiful

holiday season: love; joy; peace; patience; kindness; goodness;

gentleness and self-control. Mastering control over your urge to respond

with a behavior what does not support the best version of you is your

greatest practice for personal excellence and leadership in this world.



Three common responses are often used in those animal planet spins in life when

we feel overlooked, underappreciated or misunderstood: ugly talk; stone walling

and defensive behavior. One way to dilute the ugly behavior of those around you

is to simply offer generous assumptions around their actions.



Practice seeing and responding to others the way you desire to be seen

and responded to. In NLP they refer to this practice as eliciting states of

behavior. As you commit to standing firm in the good character you

desire to embody in relationships you can actually lift up the negative

energy of those around you. Love evokes more love; kindness

evokes more kindness.



Grace is an essential ingredient in the process. Simply put, grace is a gift given

and not deserved. It supports the practice of seeing people for who they desire to

be rather than how their behavior shows up…is this not how we all desire to be

received? Whenever you are in the “HALT“…and add an “S” on the end:

hungry; angry; lonely; tired; sick the person you are committed to being

becomes highly compromised. This is why self-care is so essential. You can

not give out that which you withhold from yourself. In the midst of the demands

and to-do lists make it a priority to refresh, reflect and restore YOU.



Take 10-15 minutes each day to sit in silent prayer; unplug and reflect on those

things that you perhaps overlook on a busy day yet when recalled offer you

instant refreshment, purpose, meaning and focus.



Too often we spend more time living outside of ourselves than we do inside

ourselves. This is an awareness that hits deeply inside our being when facing

hardship, as we realize in those acute moments of being out of control, that our

greatest place of strength lies within our interior world. I remember this clear

minded awareness washing over me when I was told my time on earth could be

limited. Daily prayer and meditation has been proven highly beneficial for the

entire body as it:



  • Activates your parasympathetic nervous system: branch of your peripheral nervous system that helps your body return to a calm, relaxed state after the threat of danger, or even daily stress, has passed. When this area is activated, your body can naturally rejuvenate, repair, and rebuild itself.
  • Slows your respiration down for longer, deeper breaths. Slows the production of the stress hormone cortisol, which boosts your immune system.



Those who sit in silent prayer/meditation behind closed doors, reflecting on

their lives from a place of gratitude, forgiveness and love are more equipped to

maintain good character in the midst of ugly behavior. This is a rejuvenating

practice which yields powerful results. Sweet sleep comes when you occupy the

space of the person you are committed to being in your words; thoughts; deeds

and actions personally and professionally more today than yesterday.



When you take time to fill up within, you are more equipped to offer generous

assumptions to those around you. Remember how your good character

becomes compromised in the midst of lack of sleep; stress; and

the HALT (hungry; angry; lonely; tired…sick)? Show the kindness you would like

to receive in the midst of your ugly behavior moments.



Offering generous assumptions begins within you, inside your interior castle. Be

kind to yourself when you are physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. See

yourself as you desire to be rather than how your ugly self talk depicts.

As quickly as possible return to a place of kind, supportive inner self-talk, pray

for the grace to see yourself as God sees you, the person you are committed to




Take care of your bodily needs. Stress is your body’s invitation to

identify and adjust your perceptions of life along with your self care

systems. Self-care, including daily prayer, is the ultimate gift that keeps

on giving to you and those around you.



A Self-Care System You Want to Explore =>

Sleep, Stress and Inflammation are 3 main fuels for disease. Explore a healthy solution of a powerful 24- hour self-care system I use daily and offer my clients:

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