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  Learn => Reflect => Identify & Adjust => Integrate => Act       Relationship Tips You Want to Know       Learn:   At Least: a phrase often used in an attempt to empathize yet it actually has the opposite effect. When you use this phrase in response to someone sharing a difficult experience you minimize the importance of their feelings. The statement “at least” is actually a shaming phrase. Many people use it with good intentions thinking they are offering up a possible rainbow in the midst of their storm yet it actually has the opposite effect.   For example, I recently had a drowning experience and a very well intending receiver of my traumatic story responded with: Well at least you didn’t die. This statement, along with any other “at least” statement evokes a sense of shame in the other person as if to say “hey it’s not that big of a deal” rather than validating their experience when a receiver of a sender’s story chooses to use an “at least” statement they undermine the senders experience. Watch out for this disconnecting phrase in future dialogue if your desire is to deepen connection.   The … Continue reading

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8 Habits for a Negativity Detox   “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.” Philippians 4:8….   Or not. The choice is yours and makes all the difference in the outcomes you will experience in life. I am blogging today about a topic that has swirled around in the human psyche since Adam and Eve took a bite of that darn apple. Why did they take that first bite? Because the desire for power was greater than their appreciation for the safety and pure beauty that surrounded them…Not-Enoughness.   The desire for power in life has opened the floodgates for negativity to pour into our culture faster than poop through a goose, as my Grandfather used to say. The power struggle has destroyed societies, marriages, companies, well intended non-profits, the media, reputations of our youth through bullying behaviors and at times taken lives.   The voice of Power over others says: “My reputation is not where I want it to be so I will destroy those around me to exalt myself AND I will hide in my virtual cave so … Continue reading

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  Do You Deflect Your Emotions?   Learn & Reflect:     An emotion is your body’s response to your thought life. When you observe life objectively you clip along taking in thousands of bits of information that travel through your senses undetectable by the conscious mind. What makes the content stick? Emotion and a strong visual image.   When you experience an event in life that has a strong emotion along with a visual (it can be a visual created by your imagination as well or through an auditory experience), you create a memory. It will remain short term if you do not revisit it with your conscious mind within 48 hours.   Emotions are like leaves on a stream they sometime disappear out of our body as quickly as they appear. When I went through the experience of cancer and divorce at the same time my “earth suit” was absolutely flooded with strong emotions. When I tried to hold them back they built up inside similar to a hose that is blocked by your thumb. At times the pressure got so huge that I burst into crying fits that would last a few hours. At one point I … Continue reading

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Just Let it Go!     Learn & Reflect:   “Just let it go” . . . a lot easier said than done eh? How can I let this go? Who will I be if I let it go? I’ve identified with this for so long I don’t feel safe embracing a new perception of me. Will I really be okay if I just “let go and let God?” Can I trust in that experience? Will I be able to handle it? What exactly does that look like? Who will I be if I release that perception, that outlook, that pain?   Again, when you give anything in life the permission to define you, you gravitate toward it, you attract more of it, and you feel safe connecting to it. So, you will actually cling to it over a healthier perception of self simply because you know yourself within it. Remember, human beings gravitate toward that which is familiar, even if the familiar is unhealthy and, often times, unsafe.   So, how do you “Let go and Let God?” How do you give yourself permission to embrace a new perception, a new direction, a new connection with you, with God, with the … Continue reading

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Learn => Reflect => Identify & Adjust => Integrate => Act Do you feel like your drowning? Drowning is to die by submersion in and inhalation of water. Have you ever felt like you were drowning without the water experience? The pressures of life take your breath away or a sudden tragic event suffocates your ability to function?   Below is a recent experience I actually had with drowning and thankfully I am still wearing the “earth suit”. The metaphor of drowning without water is a powerful one to reflect upon in our daily life: how often do you give power to circumstance to define what you believe you are capable of handling successfully or tuning into a resource to help you move back into calm waters? As an executive/life coach I experience witnessing the metaphorical “drowning” more often than not in the lives I am blessed to facilitate healing, clarity and personal excellence within.   This week Reflect on the moments that take your breath away…in a suffocating way: Is a healthy boundary being overlooked? As quickly as possible assess your available resources along with giving more authority to the strength of God within you than to the circumstance … Continue reading

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Let’s face it, relationships can be a source of a lot of stress especially when we do not have ground rules in place. Just as the yellow flag in football is used to indicate illegal conduct, so too we need an infrastructure (a process and structure) to minimize below the line behavior (stone walling, ugly talk and defensive behavior) and maximize healthy, authentic connection as we create safe conversation.   IMAGO: Get Yours On   Learn & Reflect:   IMAGO is Latin for image and is a very powerful infrastructure to build effective dialogue on. It is based on validation rather than problem solving. The theory has been around for a long time and was simplified in the book Getting the Love You Want by Hendrix and Hunt.   Similar to many energy psychology modalities, IMAGO reflects upon the images you have from childhood that create your perceptions, assumption as well as your reactions to life today. For example, if you grew up with images from your childhood that reflected a theme of: “I need to be perfect in order to be loved and accepted” or “it’s never good enough no matter how hard I try” then any type of feedback … Continue reading

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Mid-year is a wonderful time to reflect on how much power you are giving to outside circumstance to define your worth, value and capability. By popular demand take a moment and explore the power you give to the opinions and reactions of other people: How Not to Care What People Think => …Or better worded: how to release your attachment to other people’s opinions and reactions. Let’s face it we care way too much about what other people think. Be honest here, how much of what spins you out of peace in your life is directly linked to another person’s opinion or reaction to you? 50%? 75%? 99.9%?   Can you imagine freeing up that mind space to explore solutions and create what you are here to create in earth school? Our vice of thinking about what people think about us can be released by simply doing this one thing: releasing the drug of approval. Many of you have heard me speak on this crazy addiction, which has held us all back from personal excellence way too many times in our lives.   The drug of approval is fueled by too much concern on our part around how we are … Continue reading