Ugly Behavior & How to Stop It
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1
Have you ever found yourself in a storm of ugly behavior? Resist the urge to allow
the bad behavior of another to spin you out of good character this beautiful
holiday season: love; joy; peace; patience; kindness; goodness;
gentleness and self-control. Mastering control over your urge to respond
with a behavior what does not support the best version of you is your
greatest practice for personal excellence and leadership in this world.
Three common responses are often used in those animal planet spins in life when
we feel overlooked, underappreciated or misunderstood: ugly talk; stone walling
and defensive behavior. One way to dilute the ugly behavior of those around you
is to simply offer generous assumptions around their actions.
Practice seeing and responding to others the way you desire to be seen
and responded to. In NLP they refer to this practice as eliciting states of
behavior. As you commit to standing firm in the good character you
desire to embody in relationships you can actually lift up the negative
energy of those around you. Love evokes more love; kindness
evokes more kindness.
Grace is an essential ingredient in the process. Simply put, grace is a gift given
and not deserved. It supports the practice of seeing people for who they desire to
be rather than how their behavior shows up…is this not how we all desire to be
received? Whenever you are in the “HALT“…and add an “S” on the end:
hungry; angry; lonely; tired; sick the person you are committed to being
becomes highly compromised. This is why self-care is so essential. You can
not give out that which you withhold from yourself. In the midst of the demands
and to-do lists make it a priority to refresh, reflect and restore YOU.
Take 10-15 minutes each day to sit in silent prayer; unplug and reflect on those
things that you perhaps overlook on a busy day yet when recalled offer you
instant refreshment, purpose, meaning and focus.
Too often we spend more time living outside of ourselves than we do inside
ourselves. This is an awareness that hits deeply inside our being when facing
hardship, as we realize in those acute moments of being out of control, that our
greatest place of strength lies within our interior world. I remember this clear
minded awareness washing over me when I was told my time on earth could be
limited. Daily prayer and meditation has been proven highly beneficial for the
entire body as it:
- Activates your parasympathetic nervous system: branch of your peripheral nervous system that helps your body return to a calm, relaxed state after the threat of danger, or even daily stress, has passed. When this area is activated, your body can naturally rejuvenate, repair, and rebuild itself.
- Slows your respiration down for longer, deeper breaths. Slows the production of the stress hormone cortisol, which boosts your immune system.
Those who sit in silent prayer/meditation behind closed doors, reflecting on
their lives from a place of gratitude, forgiveness and love are more equipped to
maintain good character in the midst of ugly behavior. This is a rejuvenating
practice which yields powerful results. Sweet sleep comes when you occupy the
space of the person you are committed to being in your words; thoughts; deeds
and actions personally and professionally more today than yesterday.
When you take time to fill up within, you are more equipped to offer generous
assumptions to those around you. Remember how your good character
becomes compromised in the midst of lack of sleep; stress; and
the HALT (hungry; angry; lonely; tired…sick)? Show the kindness you would like
to receive in the midst of your ugly behavior moments.
Offering generous assumptions begins within you, inside your interior castle. Be
kind to yourself when you are physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. See
yourself as you desire to be rather than how your ugly self talk depicts.
As quickly as possible return to a place of kind, supportive inner self-talk, pray
for the grace to see yourself as God sees you, the person you are committed to
being.
Take care of your bodily needs. Stress is your body’s invitation to
identify and adjust your perceptions of life along with your self care
systems. Self-care, including daily prayer, is the ultimate gift that keeps
on giving to you and those around you.
A Self-Care System You Want to Explore =>
Sleep, Stress and Inflammation are 3 main fuels for disease. Explore a healthy solution of a powerful 24- hour self-care system I use daily and offer my clients:
http://LaurenEMiller.com/Daily-Wellness-Pack
