Improve Your Love Life: 5 Quick Tips
Stress Less: Love More =>
Ever experience anxiety and stress in your primary relationship? Lets face it men, women are not the easiest project to fix right? The solution lies in the question. Women don’t want to be fixed, they want to be pursued, adored and appreciated. Men desire respect and appreciation. As my dear friend Les Brown says, “You Gotta Be Hungry!” Are you hungry? Then commit to practicing the following 5 tips for three weeks:
ASK:Here is a little look behind the veil of intimacy: you give out what you desire to receive; the conflict comes when your partner does not receive the same thing you want to get. Read that sentence again S-L-O-W-L-Y. There is no throwing stones here, we all do this in relationships: I see you and respond to you as I AM not as you are. So here is a question to ask your partner: how do you feel most loved in relationships? Take notes on the information they tell you because this will give you the key to unlocking the blue print of intimacy with your partner. Their answers will give you the specific guidance you are seeking to turn your partner on, which men thrive on right? “Just tell me what to do specifically and I will do it.” Conflict overrides love gestures when two people assume that the other person knows what they want and/or what they mean with the words they use. If you notice a disconnect or misunderstanding ask for clarity: When you said this…did you mean that? and then follow up with your all so popular “I” statements: When you did/said this I felt this or that…clarity of focus leads to accuracy of response. See your partner for who they desire to be rather than how their behavior shows up…isn’t that how you would like to be perceived? Love as you desire to be loved.
APPLY:Realize there are three main portals that we use to give and receive love: auditory, kinesthetic, and visual. AuthorGary Chapmanbroke them down into 5 main languages: Acts of Service; Quality Time, Gifts, Verbal Affirmation, Physical Touch. You will often give that which you desire to receive rather than what resonates with your partner. Learn and make a conscious choice to put into action on a daily basis what moves your woman. Choose 1-3 things a day to do for your partner that are aligned with their main love language in order to anchor a positive connection. Know this, love ignites more love. This is not a competition this is a relationship, the first one to take a step in the direction of love and appreciation wins the prize which sits on the heart of every human being: the experience of loving and being loved.
DELETE:Drop universal quantifiers: always; never; nobody; everyone; nothing; all; everything; when framed in a negative statement: “You ALWAYS do that!”, “You NEVER listen to me.” Universal quantifiers keep us stuck in a mental no way out prison, casting a sentence on our partner that is void of options and solutions. Again, be specific: “When you said this, or did this, I felt this.”
RELEASE:Let go of expectations and assumptions, use direct communication with your partner AND do not assume your beloved knows what you are thinking. When in doubt seek clarity.
CONNECT:If you are going through a time of tension and frustration put this practice in place at least 2-3 times a week: share with your partner 1-3 specific things that they did or said that you appreciated. Appreciation and vulnerability create instant connection. Holding hands and maintaining eye contact during this practice will give you a little shot of oxytocin (the happy bonding hormone)…end with a 30 second hug and you get even more.
Enjoy a quick 3-minute video on Cultivating Healthy Relationships:
