How to Work With Angry People
How to Work with Angry People:
One minute of anger lowers your immune system for 24 hours. Anger will often times evoke anger. It is a survival mechanism when we feel we are threatened in any way. Working with people who are angry, difficult and “acting out their pain” in life is probably one of the most amazing opportunities for you to practice the art of “taking nothing any human being says or does personally”.
Angry outbursts are commonly fueled by a fear. Fear that you won’t get what you want or think you deserve in a situation. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being overlooked. Fear of criticism, rejection, loss of power and control. The other source of anger could be that it was modeled for you in your life as a go to reaction to undesirable situations. We tend to give out what we have seen modeled to us as we grew up unless we make the conscious choice to seek support needed to maintain intentional positive behavioral shifts.
Think about it, what would your life look like if you were able to remain connected to a place of safety within while being surrounded by a bunch of “sharks” in the work place? How would that shift your experience of peace in the midst of chaos? Believe me, it takes practice and a lot of inner dialog as you stand before a human who is throwing up all of their life frustrations in front of you.
Anger and complaining walk hand in hand. As mentioned in earlier blog posts, complaining actually shrink your brain. Whether or not you are the one complaining or sitting and listening to someone who is complaining without stopping the train, the ramifications physically speaking are the same: your hippocampus shrinks.
When you take the position of the “observer” vs. the “reactor” you give yourself the opportunity and space to choose your response. When you realize, truly realize and embrace the truth that any negative thing a human being does has everything to do with their past pain or fears of the future, you just happen to be in the way, you are truly free to identify and adjust your perception of the situation.
Several months after I was diagnoses with advanced cancer, a good friend of mine began to have severe stomach pains. Several months later, she was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer which took her life 8 months later. I remember sitting at her bedside, 24 hours before she transitioned to be with the Lord, she said that Jesus had been appearing to her for several nights in a row. I asked her to share everything she could remember and wrote it down (I included her words in my first bookHearing His Whisper). She said that when people are consistently angry, unkind, and use ugly words and behaviors, it’s simply because they have forgotten how much God loves them.
I encourage my clients to play the inner narrator, when surrounded by angry, frustrated people which actually becomes quite humorous: “Wow, look at this human being unloading all of their trash in front of me…look at how red their face is getting, that looks uncomfortable…I wonder how they got to be so angry in life?…Oh well, it has nothing to do with me, I’m not going to give them the power to steal my inner peace and calm. Dear God if there is any word of encouragement I can share please use my mouth to speak it, I pray for them.”
When you embrace a spirit of curiosity and fascination versus attachments and assumptions you will find an endless reservoir of opportunity for learning and growth while staying grounded. One of my childhood lessons from my mom when I felt bullied in junior high school:You only feel inferior by your own consent;you can apply this to any emotionally charged encounter.
Support Resource: How to Connect in the Midst of Disconnect CD:Click Here
