How to Resurrect Happiness Alone
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Happiness is an inside job. Whenever we cling to those things outside of us we render ourselves extremely vulnerable to rising and falling depending upon how the world judges us at that moment in time. “Alone” is an objective label until we place meaning on it. It can be meaning which is positive in nature like, “an opportunity to refresh, pray; linger in gratitude; identify and adjust perceptions and conclusions about life which do not support the best version of ourselves; time to identify an opportunity to serve another”…OR we can choose meaning which is negative, in this case “alone” might sound like, “no one likes me; nobody cares about me; nothing ever works out for me; I am not ok being by myself; I am not safe being by myself; I need another person to feel happy and complete or to enjoy my life.” There is no judgment with these statements they are simple observations of thought which can occur when being “alone” from our perspective is a negative element.
Whenever you cling to anything in this life— whether it is a certain response from the world; a relationship; a material item or desired outcome—happiness dies and anxiety increases.
Since you were little you began to learn very quickly what to do and say to get a desired outcome or response, and your addiction to the drug of approval began. It is similar to a spoiled child, the more you give it, the more it wants. This addiction to approval is fed by your desire to be acknowledged, approved of, popular, validated and praised. It is as if you are saying, “Please tell me that I am good enough, appreciated, smart enough and worthy to be loved and accepted.”
It is a serpent of a drug and will sap you of any remembrance that you already have everything you truly need within your soul for happiness to occur; along with inner peace and joy. It makes a mockery out of you with the antics you play in life all for a momentary high of being approved of or acknowledged.
Being a visionary and motivated human being is of considerable value. It is when you look to those around you to tell you that you can or cannot do something in life, or you only believe in yourself because someone told you how great you are, that you become vulnerable to the experience of forgetting who you are with your God given inner strengths and abilities.
It is a wonderful practice in life to maintain inner calm and connection in the presence of praise or criticism. In this experience, you are able to remain in your castle (connected to God). Remember as with any addiction in life, the more you feed it, the more it consumes you along with your ability to remember who you truly are.
What if we were to release all of the “free rent” we give to anxieties around our desire to be liked, recognized and approved of? I would imagine we would have a lot of freed up head space to focus on fully occupying the space we are called to occupy with our unique personality signature gifts and talents. As I went through advanced cancer and divorce at the same time I remember reflecting upon how much energy I wasted worrying about how people responded or didn’t respond to that which I created in this world, or rather what was created through me, which I could have put to great use creating what I am created to put forth in this world. I now have a little saying I use when I am emotionally spun and stressed out about any thing, circumstance or human interaction which uncorks instant perspective which I gained walking through the cancer journey, “Lauren, can you take this with you beyond the ‘pine box’?…if not delete, identify and adjust your focus on what you value most in this life and chose a response that aligns with the person you are committed to being in this day of life you have been blessed to experience.”
Stress is simply the POWER we give to outside circumstance to define our worth, value and capability.
Elicit the state of behavior you desire to experience
Remember this: you are here on earth to make God recognizable in the world. You are not here to be liked, you are here to grow in your ability to love. It’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are in what you do…are you loving? joyful? Peaceful? Patient? Kind? Gentle? Self-controlled? Faith filled? These are the attributes contained in your natural God given state of being. Remember who you are, a child of the living God, and why you have been blessed with another gift of life this day.
