How to Stay Confident in the Midst of Criticism
How Stay Confident in the Midst of Criticism
Have you recently found yourself mulling over a comment that someone said over and over again only to find yourself stuck trying to justify, blame or simply complain about what someone else said to you? You’re not alone. Perhaps you have laid awake at night ruminating on what you did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say, as you cast the net of judgement around your worth and value?
Criticism and self-doubt walk hand in hand. Criticism is an expression of disapproval of someone or something based onperceivedfaults or mistakes. Key word here isperceived. Perception is subjective based on seeing yourself or others in a particular way. Cool thing is…perception can be changed. As Wayne Dyer said:When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Imagine for a moment what you would notice to be different in your life if you woke up tomorrow morning and you had the super hero power to not take anything personally that anyone said or did…including the words you speak to yourself about yourself. What would shift in terms of your inner confidence? What would people notice to be different about you? How would this shift impact your relationship with others and yourself?
God has created us to be relational beings. This is a gift that we enjoy in many ways along our journey; however it’s also our cross. Too often we get our identity hijacked by the disapproval of others around us and disapproval that comes from our own mental inner script. We “should” all over ourselves: I should have spoken up… I shouldn’t have said anything…I should reach out to this person more often they probably think I’m a bad friend.What are you declaring after this phrase these days:“I should_____________.”Understand that “should” is directly linked to the same part of the brain that produces shame and guilt. Replace your “shoulding”declarations with statements of conviction:
Even thought this ____________, now moving forward by God’s grace I choose to do more of this_______________________. This action phrase comes from the part of the brain that is linked to solution based thinking.
Explore 3 steps to help yourself maintain an inner sense of safety and confidence the next time you face criticism; disapproval from yourself or another person:
- Know Who You are and Whose You Are:as you remind your mind of what your soul always knows in terms of your identity on earth you will be less likely to rise and fall depending upon how you’re think the world is judging you or how you are judging yourself. Jeremiah 1:5“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
- Know Your Purpose:As you remember your purpose, you are able to clearly and confidently maintain your sense of worth and value:“God show me what is mine and what is someone else’s, what is real and what is imagined, my purpose is to love others as you have loved me, help me to do a good job in the face of this disapproval and to remember you approve of me, maybe not my behavior in this moment and I trust you to show me what to release and what to hold onto so that I become move like you.”Declare the word of God in the midst of disapproval and criticism:“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, GOD’S SPECIAL POSSESSION, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 “I am Christ’s ambassador as though God were making His appeal through me, this is my purpose in compliments and complaints. (2 Corinthians 5:20).
- Maintain Self-Control for Discernment:This is the 2nd step ofEmotional Intelligence in Christ. Ask yourself:Is God offering me a course correction in my behavior in order to transform me more into His likeness OR is this simply ugly behavior and words that are coming from someone else’s pain (or coming from my own pain acted out in self-judgement and ridicule).“Blame is simply the release of our own pain and discomfort” – Brene Brown. Ask, seek and knock for discernment.“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him.” James 1:5. “Let no one deceive you with empty words…walk as children of the light and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:6-10. “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God.” 1 John 4:1
Resist the urge to give power away to people’s opinions to define who you are and what you are capable of successfully handling in life. The world screams and God whispers. Remember you have a choice here when you receive feedback to keep what fits and return to sender what does not fit. Invite the Holy Spirit to give you discernment in the process.
