Do You Get Easily Offended?
Do Feel Offended Easily?
Learn:
Let’s face it, taking offense or being offended spins the body into the stress response.
When cortisol (stress hormone) is ripping through our system we are left mucking around like a fish swimming through jello with only 3 choice points at our disposal: fight, flight or freeze.
The behaviors that crash our party usually include ugly talk, defensive actions, stone walling or 1-uping.
Let’s for a moment shine the light of our presence on what’s really going on behind the scenes of “taking offense” =>
Offense: An annoyance or insult brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles.
Key words to explore in the above definition:perceived insult.
Remember the definition of stress? The power (or permission) we give to outside circumstance (including the words and actions of other people) to define our WORTH, VALUE and/or capability.
According to some fun research put forth by Poggi and D’Errico, on the effects of feeling offended, published by Fronteirs in Psychology (US National Library of Medicine/National Institutes of Health), the feeling of being offended or taking offense falls under self-conscious emotions like guilt, pride and shame:
- “In social psychology research, the feeling of offense has been viewed so far as typically triggered by a blow to a person’s honor, hence to his/her public “face”; yet this painful emotion, beside nicking the reputation and self-concept of the offended person, is often felt also in interpersonal relationships, that it finally may seriously disrupt.”
- “Feeling offended belongs to the so-called “self-conscious emotions” (Lewis, 2008), like shame, guilt, and pride, and like shame and humiliation it is caused by a blow to the person’s image and self-image.”
Identify and Adjust:
For this weeks focus and personal excellence practice, I will toss out a simple question:
- How often do you get offended in one day? Once? Twice?
- When are you most likely to take offense easily?
- How does your body feel when you are offended?
- What happens to your thoughts when you are offended?
- What behaviors show up when you take offense?
High-noticing turns ON the “lights” of your awareness which gives you the opportunity to SHIFT below the line thoughts (offense, blame, egotism, critical) into “Lights-On” above the line thoughts (curiosity, authenticity, kindness, compassion, forgiveness) as we teach in Clarity SHIFT Leadership training.
Take Action:
I am confident that this week you will experience a great opportunity to practice shifting out of taking offense into a calm, confident responses to life…or not.
Notice how your body responds to your choice point around offense: To Be Offended OR Not to Be Offended…your choice will make all the difference in the outcomes you experience including the level of stress in your body.
You are the landlord of your thoughts and perceptions in life. Evict those thoughts that flow from self-conscious emotions fueled by negative belief systems: I need you to validate my position and my perspective to know that I have worth and value.
What if you woke up tomorrow and no matter what you read or heard you responded in a calm, confident manner…or practiced silence.
Silence, when delivered at the right moment tosses the offense back into the lap of the one who sent it.
Need some help calming your body in the midst of a perceived insult? Explore the EFT videos on the Stress Management Coaching link below. Address the stress where it manifests:calm the disruption in your body triggered by hurtful thoughts/memories.