1.Stop Mind-reading: When you spin a story of drama that is void of the facts you create your own interior prison. “Catastrophizing” thinking creates a tsunami of negative thoughts that hold you captive from the gift of life in front of your face. Step off the stage of drama and ask for clarity as soon as possible from the person who spins you. 90-95% of what we think people are thinking is not what they are thinking.
2.Up Your EQ Factor: This practice is not for the faint-hearted or weak kneed as it requires “SELF CONTROL” coupled with empathy and active listening. WOW…sounds like too much work right? NO it is worth every ounce of high-noticing and behavior change you can muster up in the moment. Why? Because it sets you free from YOU. You are NOT your “positionality” in life: your choice of stance on matters. EQ stands for Emotional Intelligence as we touched on in last weeks message. It is the ability to PAUSE, REFLECT and PIVOT. SNAP is a great acronym to carry along with you to break out of the prison of too much focus on self: what I think, feel, want and need. S: Stop | N: Notice the negative behavior of putting the position or perspective above the person | A: Ask for clarity: I was thinking your are thinking this _________________ is that true or am I creating a story? | P: Pivot in the direction that puts into motion a positive behavior change. Remember, the 4 phases of EQ:
- Are you aware of your emotions?
- How well do you handle your own emotions?
- Are you aware of the emotions of other people?
- How well do you manage the emotions of other people?
3.Pray:Prayer opens the door to your biggest support system for FREEDOM. Did you forget that you are first and foremost a spiritual being having a physical experience? Pray for the grace to see yourself and others as they desire to be rather than how their behavior shows up…as God sees you. Compassion and love shifts your biology for optimal health and wellness.
Reflect for a moment on Galatians 5:1, whether you are of Christian faith or not this passage holds wisdom worth our reflection:“It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set you free, stand firm then and don’t allow yourself to be BURDENED (imprisoned) by the yoke of slavery.”
What is your yoke of slavery? Those thoughts and behaviors that do not align with the person God has created you to be. Those thoughts and behaviors that if this were your last day on earth your would want to delete from your time line as you reflect on the eternal value of love, kindness, compassion and empathy.
Another key element in the quoted verse above:“don’t allow yourself to be burdened by the yoke of slavery.” You are the landlord of your mind…what thoughts are you allowing to take up free rent in your mind that are robbing your inner peace and fueling negative behavior that brings more darkness than light into this world?
The brain actually lights up when a person prays in all of the areas that support what is referred to in neuroscience as “Top Down” thinking (goal setting and what’s possible)…interesting that it is referred to as “TOP” down thinking…create space for God to drop into the prisons that hold you back from the FREEDOM that offers peace that passes all human understanding.
Authentic leaders exercise the practice of appreciative inquiry and effective listening skills that offer “LIGHTS ON” mentoring abilities and minimize “lights off” behavior. In SHIFT Leadership coaching we focus on high-noticing around those behaviors that are below the line (do not show case the highest version of who you are committed to being) as well as above the line behaviors, (Lights-On) that reveal the best YOU in life.
Freedom comes when you master your mind and emotions. Self-control over negative thinking SHIFTS you into transformation and boosts your ability to lead those entrusted to your care well: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:1). The greatest leaders in this world are those who seek to understand versus being understood, listen first then speak, are curious and inquisitive, avoid mind reading, ask for clarity, set healthy boundaries and love first then lead.
Freedom evokes freedom. When you experience deliverance within yourself from your own fears, doubts, worries and EGO driven behaviors you are then on a position to set others free as well.
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