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1 Huge Obstacle to Effective Connection

The blame game: You always do that!

 

Richard Bandler and John Grinder are the founding fathers of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). NLP is basically a study of your objective experiences and what can be calculated from those experiences based on the belief that all behavior has a structure to it.

 

People bring the same life experiences in, yet in radically different ways. You have created dif­ferent models, and in those models, you make the best choices possible for yourself.

 

You take in information and act on it through your senses. You then use language to order your thoughts and behavior and communicate; and you program it all by organizing and placing meaning on it. This result is the creation of your different models of perceiving life. Here, you use distinc­tive mechanisms or techniques to process your life models.

 

“Be careful not to mistake your ‘model’ of choice for reality,” say Bandler and Grinder. They suggest that we all use three mechanisms to do this:generalization, distortion and deletion.

 

“You always do that!” is a perfect example of ageneralization. Perhaps the behavior that you perceive as always being done flows from a lens you have created for yourself based on feeling that you are victimized by this behavior.

Suppose that when you were a child, you were laughed at and mocked for sharing your feelings. For the rest of your life, if that becomes one of your models, you will reference all moments of laughter in your presence to it and generalize that, “Any time anyone laughs after I share my feelings, they are mocking me.”

 

“We will eliminate judgment of one another when we can understand that all human behavior occurs within the context in which it origi­nated.” —Bandler and Grinder.

 

Take Action:

 

This week have high noticing around your “stone throwing” behaviors and lead to generalizations. When you feel under attack, practice the SNAP:

 

  • Stop:breathe, pray,tapand remember you are not the opinions or reactions of other people unless you choose to be. The serpents in your mind love a good victimization and stone throwing party…leaving you hung over in anger and frustration. Life is too short to throw your moments away along with your inner peace.
  • Notice: What generalization are you making that is based in “story” verses fact? Notice the power you are giving to the circumstance to define your sense of value, worth and capability. Notice your main emotion and where it is showing up in your body. Stress and disease walk hand in hand.
  • Ask: Is this mine to work through or someone else’s? Too often we cast ourselves as the main character in someone else’s drama. You are more effective if you get off the stage and maintain integrity, peace and calm…emotional intelligence does wonders for the “earth suit”.
  • Pivot: Turn away from “below the line” behaviors: blame, shame, ugly talk, gossip, stone throwing. Lean into behaviors that showcase the person you are committed to being in this world. Explore the emotional shift into peace that often occurs when you pray for those who persecute you and trust that at the sunset of your life, every choice you have made for love, forgiveness, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience get to go with you beyond the “pine box”.

For the full article and 2 More Obstacles to Connecting:CLICK HERE

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