What is your go-to reaction when you are in the midst of conflict? Do you run and hide (avoid the conflict)? Perhaps you jump in the “ring” determined to win? Maybe you abandon your ship, letting go of your own ideas, beliefs and values in order to keep the peace no matter what? Do you implode? Explode? or both at the same time? The clash of the viewpoints conflict “movie clip” from your time line is one that often has a common theme when it comes to your choice of response in the midst of conflict.
How many times in a day do you experience conflict? Studies have revealed that the average person experiences 5 conflicts a day. This is an examination of consciousness that can offer some awesome opportunities for an interior tune up when it comes to personal excellence. Do your conflicts share a common emotional theme: I’m overlooked? Not enough? Under-appreciated? Mis-understood?
As is the case with any positive outcome in life, reflection and preparation are two practices that increase your odds at achieving your goals. Do you want to be able to respond better to conflict in your day to day life? Explore the following practices:
- Ask questions to get as much information about the situation at hand as possible before choosing your response. Ask “what” questions verses “why” questions. Ask as many questions as possible to gain as much information as you can to help you see the situation from the other person’s perspective.
- Release the inner urge to link up your sense of worth, value or success to the conflict at hand this only creates a mess of emotions which too often distort the reality of a situation.
- Go to the main players involved in the conflict as soon as possible instead of stewing and gossiping about the situation. Many times our own fears and anxieties block our ability to see things as they really are and therefore we show up with the ugly version of self rather than the best version of self.
- Because conflict is expressed in the body, it is essential to address the body’s reaction to conflict. Basically, get your body out of the way so you can chose your response. When threatened your body responds in 125th thousand of a second with the stress response which renders the mind incapable of tuning into executive thinking (solution based thinking) due to the fact that the blood flow to the frontal cortex is restricted in order to send the blood flow to the back part of the brain and out to your limbs, triggering the fight, flight, freeze response. Take back your mind in the midst of conflict. Learn EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). CLICK HERE FOR EFT IN 10 MINUTES
- Play nice. Avoid the urge to bully because you are afraid you will not get what you want or that something you have will be taken from you. Remember the playground rules in Kindergarten? Use your words nicely. Resist the urge to throw stones, bite or kick. Remember the statement: “You are NOT the boss of me?” Let go of your need to control other people’s opinions, values and beliefs without abandoning your values, opinions and beliefs. Go for creating a shared understanding even if that means agreeing to disagree.
Go for creating a shared vision that honors all concerned. Let go of your need to be right, liked and understood and take all of that energy you spend trying to be liked, right and understood and use it to establish a shared vision and understanding.
Use the word “shared” over compromise. Why? Because it lends itself to keeping both participants in tact with their unique perspectives while creating another space for connection which is built on collaborative shared ideas and solutions and most importantly the willingness to allow another human being the privileged of a different point of view while creating a new understanding.
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